What Just about every On-line Sex Toy Shop Needs to Have

I’m surprised I haven’t written an write-up like this inside the previous, but I really feel certified to create one. In case you run a store, if you would like to, should you function using a sex toy retailer, run social media for 1 or are otherwise connected, take heed.

New Additions

Listen, I’ve been about the block a time or two, so I know what’s already on the market. What I would like to know, in particular if I’ve been a loyal consumer of yours, is what’s new. You have to let me organize your categories by data added, in the pretty least. What I definitely choose, nevertheless, is really a “recent additions” web page, or some thing equivalent. Plus, this tends to make your website appear updated, which it should really be.

Social Media

Let’s speak about updates. When you are on Facebook or Twitter, you'll be able to tell us what’s new. Furthermore, you could tell me precisely what I want to see. Social media provides you the opportunity to build relationships and bill yourself as individual, a face behind the firm. Give us coupons on Twitter, and we’ll shop at your web-site. Inform us when something’s on sale, and we’ll really like you forever. Social media is not rocket science, but it does take time.

Overview System

Now, if no sex toy retailer had a review system, I’d be okay. Immediately after all, that’s sort of why this blog exists? And loads of folks do not use on-site overview systems to have their reviews, or they supplement them with evaluations from sites like Of Sex and Enjoy. But when you put those evaluations proper on your web-site, you present extra cause for consumers to utilize your web-site. You supply a form of interaction the cements your shop in the customer’s mind. It offers you an excellent notion of goods which can be worth promoting and placing on sale and those that you ought to drop. Critiques: you cannot go wrong with them.

People Expertise

One of the sites which has frustrated me the each does so because the employees lack persons abilities. There’s no understanding. There’s no polite asking. There’s only demanding and dictatorships. There’s strict rules that modify on a whim and also a total breakdown of communication. You do not need to be that person.

Sex Toy Knowledge

Loads of etailers have taken the time to get rid of China shrinking creams and toys with phthalates. 1st, they had to possess the expertise of what toys could potentially be damaging. Without having this, you could sell also many toys or too handful of or toys which can be potentially negative for someone’s overall health. My individual favorite? Toys described as for anal play that obviously are not protected for the backdoor. Once you know about toys, and are not simply looking to make a quick buck, you know the way to categorize them, can pass on undesirable toys and may far better answer customer questions. Win-win, correct?

Fundamental and Luxury Toys

I do not generally advocate a luxury toy. Right after all, I’ve attempted lots of Lelo and Jimmyjane toys that just didn’t do it. My favorite bullet is not luxury, and we don’t all have deep pockets or sugar daddies, but some people do. Some live in crappy apartments but splurge on sex toys. A number of people save up all year. Other comb the online world for sales. When you only concentrate on the super cheap or the amazingly pricey, you’re missing out on a large demographic. You’re producing customers visit other retailers to meet their demands. You are doing your self no good. Strap-on dildo sex toys can be used as a vaginal or anal sex toy and come in a range of sizes to accommodate beginners and experts alike.

Updated Stock

Just like I wanted to determine what’s new, I want there to basically be new things. Add new toys, take away those which can be no longer in production. If you have the sources, give us a technique that lets us set alerts. Tell us how a lot of are in stock. Nothing’s worse than ordering from a firm only to seek out out that the item doesn’t exist. Except, perhaps, seeing-ten-year old toys that you simply know aren’t basically out there on a internet site.

“The Supreme Guideline to Kink” Erotic Looking at Evaluation

The last word Manual to Kink is a new Cleis Press e-book that teaches diverse facets of BDSM. It truly is 446 internet pages very long, and it consists of twenty distinctive chapters about distinctive facets of BDSM. Some well-known names are integrated which include Sarah Sloane, Midori, Mollena Williams, Tristan Taormino, and lots of, quite a few many others - each individual chapter contains a different creator. The e-book has huge font, and it is with regard to the exact same measurement as an normal “book” - but it’s significantly thicker due to each of the web pages.

The final word Guide to Kink handles lots of distinctive floor. It addresses: Phrases, Principles, and Pleasures of Kink; Spanking, Caning, and Flogging; The way to Train your Sexual intercourse Slave; Vaginal Fisting and BDSM; Bondage for Sexual intercourse; A little bit Cock and Ball Engage in; Kinky Twisted Tantra; Piercing Scenes; Participating in with Rough Intercourse; The Ins and Outs of Anal Fisting; Erotic Part Participating in; Erotic Human Animal Roel Enjoying; The Art and Philosophy of Female Dominance; A private Manifesto; The way to Grow Limitations and Increase Desire; In the Brain of the Sadist; Age Purpose Engage in; The Lure of Taboo Role Play; The Dim Side; and Mindfuck.

Regardless of this ebook masking lots of facts, I really do not think I'd take into account this an amazing e book to select up for your personal initially e-book about kink. I certainly, surely imagine it is a terrific guide to choose up should you know the basics about kink, but if you’ve never ever assumed about kink just before and wish one thing to relieve you in, this e book doesn’t seem for being it. While using the topic Tristan was heading for (a weekend Kink Conference), you most likely wouldn’t show up at a kink convention should you didn’t already have some desire and encounter in kink, would you? For that purpose, I recommend you keep this guide as a substantially larger sized reference of fantastic kink subjects for after you have explored and learned some of the basics by other essential kink guides (Like SM 101 or other individuals).

The last word Guide to Kink, whilst not huge-mongous, is much greater than most sexual education and learning guides. It does have rather significant font, hence the looking at goes substantially quicker than you're thinking that it get the job done, even so the book by itself will defintiely consider awhile to examine. Should you be only keen on particular elements, I like to recommend skipping all over from the chapters to read individuals issues that interest you one of the most.

Not like most BDSM/kink instructional books, this guide is created by various authors. It’s like an erotic anthology reserve that Cleis Push would make - Tristan Taormino put alongside one another and edited the whole e-book, but every single among the list of sections is written by a special writer. In her description around the guide, Tristan was likely with the truly feel of what you’d get when you attended a Kink Convention where by you may visit diverse courses about diverse areas of BDSM. She was wanting to make it so those who are very seasoned within their specialties will be presenting the information to you, so each and every “chapter” is created by a distinct creator. Hitachi Wand may the first choice for women or couple.

I do think this book definitely did receive the “feel” that Tristan was likely for. In its place of feeling similar to a from-the-ground-up BDSM a hundred and one e book like most kink textbooks really feel like, it appears like it really is a convention about kink-related topics. There isn’t that normal “progression” of issues of activities that the majority of publications stick to, and alternatively of detailing each individual and every detail, it talks about odd matters folks may well have an interest in but may well not be normally included in the guidebook similar to this (like Mindfucks). I really do not know if I’d phone it the “Ultimate Guide” to Kink, but I might absolutely say it’s like attending a kink convention in the guide.

Kink conferences are inclined to have that “knowledge you under no circumstances would have gotten out of a book or definitely “thought” about mastering however , you wished to study it” really feel to it, and that’s what I actually sense like I get from this reserve. I never ever would hope a primary BDSM guide to include information about vaginal AND anal fisting and also Human Animal Position Taking part in, but that is accurately exactly what the Final Guide to BDSM does - it features a very big and different breadth of information that really can help allow it to be come to feel like a kink conference. Ben Wa Balls have special design. The usual Ben Wa Ball always have two balls which are used for stimulate women’s vagina.

Every single one of several chapters definitely has its own “feel” to it mainly because another creator wrote it. I favored several of the chapters and topics far more than some others, but each chapter was still pretty well-written and very very easy to have an understanding of - it does not matter who wrote it.

Overall, while I would not advise this as your initially BDSM how-to book, I would certainly propose this as being a BDSM guide to pick up when you have some knowledge with kink already. It is heading to widen your spot of information with kink, and it actually aids you learn things you can have in no way even have believed about understanding. Tristan Taormino did a fantastic occupation of editing this, and it absolutely was very pleasant to browse as a result of. Thanks to Cleis Push for sending The ultimate Manual to Kink book for critique.

The sensual is spiritual is sexual

There are significant hyperlinks amongst the spiritual plus the sensual as well as the sexual.

I've nearly usually utilised the sensual as the entrance to the spiritual: for you'll find strategies that the sensual and also the erotic experiences is often transcendent, just as spiritual experiences can be erotic.

I know this: the Tibetan Buddhist model for the awakened thoughts is - orgasm.

Ideally, the sexual is an expression with the sacred, it can be an act of worship from the divine spark in my companion.

You'll find these around who stay unconvinced of the spiritual dimensions of sexual pleasure, that are in doubt that the heights of which I have spoken are actually achievable. Indeed, most advocate a temperate, low-key “it feels fantastic bodily function” status for sex - I know and understand this point of view for the reason that much of my own sexual expression has been a rational workout in the mechanics of arousal and orgasm - and however I have also experienced the magical, spiritual aspects of sex.

Nowadays I've a lover who's my match, and together we expertise the transcendent consciousness I also experience with my most intimate buddies. With each other we will traverse these peaks and valleys, and it can happen because I Need it.

Why do I need it? Due to the fact I'm wirea nud for it. Simply because I am a sensual creature, like a lot of others inside the globe, and you will discover mber of points of access to spiritual transcendence, along with the path of the Sensualist also includes a Gate which opens upon that spiritual level… it truly is just a far more pleasantly distracting, winding, and branching path than most who seek enlightenment would choose to walk.

Your Option Viewers’ Wives 57

Even though the title intrigued me it also brought about thoughts that I shouldn’t go expecting much with regards to the content and top quality in the production offered the theme. Despite the fact that the format does appear well-liked for them to be on quantity 57 in the series. Discreet vibrators mainly include rabbit vibrators, small vibrators, lipstick vibrators and it tends to be small.

I’m utilised to viewing polished and nicely executed porn nowadays so this was going to become, for me at the very least, a “bit of rough”.

That doesn’t necessarily denigrate this DVD in anyway simply because I've seen a few dogging DVD’s which turned out to be all the far more intriguing for not becoming entirely professionally created. I identified it added the overall sleaze and depravity on the idea.

So I was about to view this DVD with an open thoughts and see if it made me open my legs at the very same time. Soon after all I do have a collection of new sex toys to test and I’m an incredible multi-tasker.

Prior to the exciting begins lets get back to the DVD. It’s a production from a home I’m not familiar with named Your Selection and they are based in Amsterdam, The Netherlands so they really should know all about being naughty. ;)

The runtime of Viewers’ Wives is 2 hours with no extras, like galleries or the other add on’s which I do not generally have a tendency to view, preferring the live action. It comprises of eight scenes of varying high-quality based on the create up around the rear with the case.

Regardless of getting produced within the Netherlands the stars are all English amateurs, “giving a view in to their wives, lives and sexual secrets”. It is sounding fantastic to me, you'd like to watch?

Then follow me in to my boudoir.

I pulled the curtains to prevent passers by being able to view the naughtiness even though my bedroom window and pushed the DVD in for the drive. Soon after slipping out of my garments I snuggled below the duvet wearing practically nothing but a smile.

My most recent vibe was waiting for me to give it a attempt but let’s see how naughty this amateur action is first…

Lola & Jess’ scene is set in a living room with a large leather sofa. We see them kiss, lick and play with a purple vibrator whilst the guy behind the camera adds narration.

Unfortunately as the girls come in to shot my belief is suspended. I know both these girls, that’s what comes of becoming involved within the industry lol. It turns out that the Jess is Jess West and Lola is Megan Cox, both of whom I've met ahead of.

However that does not stop me watching a rather sweet scene develop between the two of them culminating in Megan, sorry Lola enjoying an Jess induced orgasm.

Poppy’s scene had me reaching for the fast forward. We see this mature blonde rubbing a new pair of stockings all over herself ahead of reaching for the vibes. And the cameraman appears to be far more excited than I was, he can’t keep himself off her as he periodically throws himself in to shot for the odd poorly filmed fuck.

I lost interest in whether Poppy came with the aid of her vibe or not. Most on the action was obscured from view by the cameraman’s poor decision of angle.

Summer & Jack’s scene is one of endurance and athleticism as Jack endeavours to get it up and keep it up. Further underlining that a male porn star’s role isn’t an easy one. But what is even far more fascinating is that they appear to have taken their friend along for the motel room to do the filming. Lol

I identified myself rooting all of the way through the scene for Jack to be able to pull it off and inside the end Summer does as he squirts all over her enhanced bossom.

Tiffany & Ray’s scene opens in their living room with her dressed in school uniform. It appears Ray couldn’t be bothered to keep with the theme dressed in white vest and jeans.

Tiffany is an eager cock swallower and soon gets to grips with Ray’s cock as someone gets some superior angles with the camera. We’ll forget about them shall we. Lol

Ray soon switches positions with Tiff and has her legs wide apart as he finger fucks her and brings her to a rather noisy squirting end. His rattling around in her fanny results in a constant squeak being emitted from her gob. Completely off putting but an excellent puddle Tiff.

This scene is quite effectively produced and filmed if you can cope with the constant squeaking.

Keely, T.J & Nascar’s scene begins with a nun taking a guy in to a room and becoming filmed as she puts it gets fucked hard.

The guy gets a fantastic blowjob ahead of proceeding to fuck the nun out of her habit in a seedy room. As if this isn’t kinky enough, during the action another nun appears inside the background handicaming the whole thing.

Not sure if this was someone’s fantasy but it sure is a weird but properly filmed scene.

Summer & Jon’s scene was very piecemeal, I think Jon was having problems and Summer was overly enthusiastic and looking at the camera each of the time. This coupled with bad lighting and the use of a droopy ended condom just didn’t rock my boat.

However if you are in to women with lots of ink you will love Summer.

Firebird & Tazman’s scene opens with him reading a porn mag and becoming discovered. Firebird was hoping to surprise him dressed up as a naughty schoolgirl and she certainly does. To exact revenge on him for reading filth the filthy Yorkshire lass makes him please her.

A very well filmed scene which left me rather moist between my legs.

Roxy & Jig’s scene wins the ￡1000 Bonus Prize offered by the producers of your DVD and well deserved it is too.

Roxy is around the telephone complaining that the bed she had delivered the previous day is useless. The company send over Jig and I simply can’t resist this…they both get jiggy. Lol

The scene is properly acted and light and has two cameras which capture the action from all angles. A very effectively created scene which is enjoyable to watch regardless of it is almost professional high-quality. It’s good to know that there is budding talent out there who can produce almost professional standard video.

This DVD would probably be good as an icebreaker for a couple wishing to start watching porn for the reason that it is unthreatening to women. There are no skinny gorgeous young women in this production (apart from the opening scene which features known porn stars) for a viewer to feel intimidated.

None in the action is anal and there are no hints at male dominance. All round it is a varied and fantastic watch for those wanting to experience porn for the first time.

Featuring: Firebird, Summer. Poppy, Keeley, Tiffany, Jess & Lola & Roxy

Evolution on the Menses: A Bloody Historical past

What exactly are you sporting at this moment? Do you have got a tiny tampon in, a huge monster pad, or do you think you're lucky more than enough to not be browsing the crimson wave? Whether you're now shark bait or not, you may find it appealing to revisit some rags of your past.

 "Hey People in america! Has the purple in your whites been giving you the blues?" Discreet vibrators mainly include finger vibrators, small vibrators, lipstick vibrators and it tends to be small.
- Katelyn

In advance of woven cloth, women of all ages used inside sponges. “Sponges?” you could possibly be asking incredulously. Nicely get this, just before sponges, gals weren’t “riding the cotton pony”, but rather, “the grass pony.” That’s correct people; pads ended up created from an organic and natural, recyclable, by natural means transpiring, absorbent product: grass. I guess it is less expensive to seize a handful of meadow than to push right down to your local pharmacy. Nevertheless it does appear somewhat dry, does not it?

When historical Egyptian girls were being on their period of time, they have been fairly pretty much “on the rag.” Women employed this system for countless many years, and in this insightful photo of an Italian sanitary napkin (yes, it had been tough to uncover) we can see that menstruation station didn’t seriously alter much between 400 A.D and also the a lot more contemporary 1745. For those who seem closely, you could begin to see the initials with the woman whose vagina owned this fabric… It brings a different meaning to the phrase “signed in blood.”

There is quite tiny heritage accessible on menses in advance of the sixteen hundreds as a consequence of the point that females weren’t encouraged to write as well as fact that girls did not normally use just about anything to absorb Auntie Flo’s present. Women have remaining driving a truly bloody background. That is correct, fellow breeders; those prolonged skirts that peasant ladies generally wore, likely smelled and seemed a great deal significantly less clear as opposed to garments that we fashionable bleeders ordinarily dwelling inside our closets. I'm wondering if which is why so many 13th century paintings function girls wearing all purple.

Disposable pads turned all the rage, thankfully, from the 19th century when a famous American, Benjamin Franklin, sought to put an close on the crimson scourge. He basically created the “absorbent pads” for troopers, in order to bandage big wounds, but a person having a Yoni went in advance and stole the thought for womankind. Following excellent ‘ol Ben’s invention, several business versions of sanitary napkins (what an unattractive title) grew to become preferred. These massive pads have been worn by tying them to your underwear and all-around the waist and hips. Females also typically wore large aprons, identified as “shields,” as a way to prevent pesky stains on their own household furniture and clothes. In case everyone else notices, this outfit is strangely paying homage to the pants that the Spartans wore, which apron may perhaps have witnessed its justifiable share of bloody battles.

In an effort to circumvent the soreness because of these kinds of great pads, women of all ages turned to insertables, or tampons. On the time tampons ended up manufactured from “plugs of antiseptic wool,” and were normally hand-sewn by possibly nurses or maybe the menstruating girls on their own. As women of all ages now are informed to cycle by way of tampons at the least just about every four hrs, it absolutely sure looks like sewing your very own tampons could well be a daunting endeavor. But if you had been a 1920’s gal it would have been thought of standard to create, and location, 1 of those attention-grabbing looking things inside your like glove.

Pads with the early 1900’s were being really diaper-like, but possibly a little bit far more sanitary that the tried-and-true grass and wool tactics. Females, during this time, adopted pads held up by “belts” to drink up their Bloody Mary’s. These chastity belts swaddled the unfortunate female under a mountain of gauze and produced training, and movement normally, unattainable. I'd know the pain of such pads, in any case, my grandmother insisted I put on 1, every time I frequented. Apparently, the trendy invention of a tampon hasn’t very achieved the ears of my sweet grandmother, who's still convinced that Nixon is president. No surprise this woman, on the Modess packaging under, appears able stand only in a single position and look fairly with the digital camera. Her cotton “Contour Belt” is nowhere as comfy because the free- slipping interval style, which the women of the 13th century had adopted. It’s a great matter also; her gown is without a doubt not purple enough to cover something darker than the usual fuchsia stain.

When females commenced to enter the get the job done pressure, it turned critical for them to have a greater array of motion than in advance of in order to seem as “bloodless” as adult men. Insertion-type strategies became popular from the 50’s and 60’s, although that they had been commercially generated due to the fact the 1930’s. Tampons with applicators, marketed as “pads in tubes”, became common among these functioning ladies. Tampax promoted their structure in the direction of women of all ages that exercised, showing commercials of Olympians who merely couldn’t survive a competition without a sanguine stopper.

Inside the 1980’s, together with the invention with the adhesive pads, pads and tampons became two quite possibly the most frequent approaches to take care of vampire bait. Most moms inspired their daughters to dress in pads till their movement became common enough, or they turned cozy with using an insertable tampon. Tampons allow the wearer a broader array of movement, a lot less pain, and maybe most of all of all: the ability to swim inside a public pool with out a five year outdated boy running up to inquire if “all that blood” was from an higher leg injury.

If you'd like to head out and paint the city crimson now, there are actually a number of modern inventions which will accompany you. The Diva cup, an insertable blood chalice, permits girls to go on, performing whichever, for several hours ahead of acquiring to empty out this grail. This device, manufactured from a gentle plastic or biodegradable content, is excellent for ladies who never would like to stress about pad lines, which can be much like underwear lines but somewhat additional on the red-ish side, or tampon strings, which often can, I've listened to, get pulled out by inquisitive males. “Oh, ma’am, you appear to use a string hanging off within your skirt/pants/bikini, allow me to just yank that off…”

Nifty minimal cups, washable pads, disposable pads, and tampons, serve as Mother Nature’s modern companions. Females through the ages have been creating dams to stop the crimson waves, and nowadays, we can easily select the product that suits our unique requires the best.

The College Student Taking Maca Powder for Her Libido

Once a week, Daily Intelligencer takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the College Student Taking Maca Powder for Her Penis Pumps: Female, 21, Alphabet City, student, straight, in a relationship.

DAY ONE

9 a.m. Wake up feeling cold. The heater isn't working. Hear clattering of glass outside in the kitchen. My roommate is awake.

1 p.m. Take a shower and G Spot Dildos slip on pink lace panties for tonight. Rub lotion on legs. They get dry easily.

1:30 p.m. Call the boyfriend to make sure he and his roommates are awake for brunch. I wake him up. His voice is groggy-sounding. He tells me about a crazy wolf zombie dream he had last night. I laugh at him because he's cute. We have an annoying "I love you more" argument. We're not that kind of couple. This is an actual argument.

1:45 p.m. Make the mistake of eating pickled garlic, my favorite food, while getting things ready for our brunch party. The boyfriend is not going to like my stinky breath.

2:30 p.m. The boys finally arrive. The roommate and I make bacon and scrambled eggs. I fail at making mimosas (too much orange juice).

4 p.m. Pull down my jeans in bathroom and hear a plop. Forgot that my crappy phone was in my back pocket. Reach my arm into the toilet and pull it out. I wipe it down as best I can. This is the second time I've dropped this particular phone in the toilet.

5 p.m. Off to a Japanese store and Macy's Uptown. No one but the boyfriend and me are interested. Score! I like spending alone time with my meow meow (our nickname for each other).

7 p.m. At Macy's looking for gloves for the boyfriend. We talk about the gloves with the comfiest lining. Find buttless male underwear. Consider buying a pair for him, even though he looks around embarrassed. Decide against the purchase because they're too expensive.

8:30 p.m. Back at the boyfriend's. He feels sick with a cold and takes a nap while I work. The boys are doing a so-called prison workout. Procrastinate while trying to do wall pushups with them.

9 p.m. Wake the boyfriend up and make dinner. He's being grumpy because he's a terrible sick person. He is such a child.

10 p.m. We decide he shouldn't stay with me tonight so I don't get sick. I'm disappointed but I understand. I walk home alone in the cold.

2 a.m. Turn on sound of rain. Sleep. 

DAY TWO

11:15 a.m. Eat cereal while on phone with mom. Text boyfriend to wake up.

1 p.m. Notice my butt cheeks are itchy. The lace on my panties is irritating my eczema. Rub lotion on my butt and imagine boyfriend squeezing it.

1:30 p.m. Call boyfriend. He's feeling better but still sounds like gross. Plan on eating lunch together.

4 p.m. Eating sandwiches with boyfriend in his dorm. I force him to drink some cold medicine. Boyfriend is reluctant to kiss me. He pecks my lips. Is it because he's afraid he'll get me sick? He's doing that annoying thing he sometimes does when he kisses me — he lifts his chin up so that I have to stretch my neck to reach his lips. I force him to lower his chin and kiss him deeply — I'm not going to get sick.

4:30 p.m. Cuddling on the couch watching basketball. I'm a little horny.

6 p.m. Game finally ends. I get my things ready and ask my boyfriend to accompany me to buy notebooks. He's reluctant, but I bully him into coming with me.

6:15 p.m. We leave all bundled up, holding hands. We kiss in the elevator — boyfriend is still being a weird kisser.

6:45 p.m. Boyfriend walks me from the store halfway to my house. I want him to stay with me tonight but I know that he can't because he has school. Also, he's stressed because he thinks he's getting sick and thinks he's a bad student. He wouldn't be in the mood.

8:30 p.m. Watch RuPaul's Drag Race while gorging on sushi, cherry tomatoes, Cheddar cheese, and ham. I'm gross, but it's okay because I'm going to the gym tomorrow.

10:30 p.m. I check on my butt; grateful it's feeling smoother. My pubic hair is growing out and it's starting to itch. I think I'll let my pubes grow out for now. Keeping them shaved is annoying and uncomfortable.

12:45 a.m. Call boyfriend to say good night. I want to talk sexy but I know he won't be into it. He's too stressed out.

DAY THREE

10:45 a.m. While at the library, I get text from boyfriend that he's already at the dining hall. Super annoyed. I call the boyfriend. Instead of "Why didn't you tell me sooner that you had left the library?" I put on my sweet, whiny voice: "I wanted to meet you after class." He melts with guilt. Success.

1:45 p.m. Class was terrifying. The teacher was too young for my taste and too funny. I like my professors old and serious. The professor also looks like a cross between Mark Ruffalo and a hipster D.J. Off to the gym.

2:15 p.m. On the elliptical. Shakira is singing and I can't help but work up a sweat. I think that my workout playlist is also my sex playlist.

3:30 p.m. Stop into a natural store near my apartment to look for Maca powder. I've read it's good for energy, stamina, and libido.

3:40 p.m. $30. Damn. Get it anyway.

6 p.m. Boyfriend calls. Debate dinner options. We can cook or order Mexican. Option número dos is the way we go. He'll pick up our dinner on his way here.

6:30 p.m. Eating dinner with the boyfriend and chatting with my roommate. I show them the Maca powder and boyfriend winces at the price. "I know, but it's for my libido!" I protest. My roommate looks uncomfortable. I laugh.

8 p.m. Boyfriend is ready to go back home. We kiss and say good-bye. I love his beard and can't help but rub it even though he says rubbing makes him break out.

11 p.m. Done researching and working. Look up sex news online and wind up getting turned on, but I restrain myself. Every time I masturbate to anything other than my boyfriend I feel empty and sad. Anyway, I like waiting. It makes the sex so much sweeter when it finally comes.

DAY FOUR

8 a.m. Put a little too much Maca powder in my cereal. It tastes weird, but not bad, a little bit like sweet potato.

11 a.m. The boyfriend and I meet up for lunch. I can see him waiting for me at the corner of the park and I run over to him. Sweet makeout sesh.

11:30 a.m. Boyfriend and I are chatting in the dining hall. I tell him I wrote about my experience with eczema for a website. I'm giddy and happy but remark how my hands haven't been doing that great. They've been red and blotchy with the cold. He says, "Yeah, let's not look at them." My heart sinks. I am offended and he notices. He apologizes and says that he didn't mean it and that he loves my hands. I hide them away from him when he asks to see them and touch them. I feel unattractive and insulted. I thought that I had gotten over being self-conscious about my eczema, but I would never expect my boyfriend to steam-roll me like he just did. For a moment, I don't know if I can ever trust him enough to be naked in front of him again. I decide to tell him how I feel and let it go. He seems to understand but I'm still hurt.

1 p.m. I make my way home in the rain. I'm feeling better about the whole eczema thing, though I still think that my boyfriend is really stupid for saying that. I chant my New Year's resolution mantra to myself: "I am beautiful. I am beautiful."

8 p.m. Watching TV at boyfriend's place. During a commercial, he asks me if I'm still upset with him and I nod yes. I'm not super angry, though. He kisses me and apologizes. He puts his hands down my jeans, reaching for a butt squeeze. He keeps his hand there while we watch TV. He's such a doofus. I love him.

10 p.m. The boyfriend walks me home in the rain. He leaves me at my apartment and we kiss good night.

Midnight Doing homework. Decide my boyfriend is actually a good guy. Glad he's not (that) stupid.

1 a.m. Go to sleep.

DAY FIVE

Noon Off to my scary, intimidating music class. I'm sweating.

1:45 p.m. Still scared out of my mind. Seriously thinking about switching out of it. I feel stressed out and tired, but I shouldn't because I had a spoonful of Maca powder in my pineapple juice this morning. 

7 p.m. Having dinner with boyfriend and his friends. There are so many weird underclassmen in the dining hall. I wonder how many other seniors still eat at the dining halls? My boyfriend pulls my chair over to his and kisses me while the other two boys are getting food. A girl sitting nearby looks at us and is distressed. I don't care.

10:30 p.m. The boyfriend arrives. He quickly turns on the computer and puts on the basketball game. I'm really starting to get into basketball. It makes me forget about all the things I have to do and the lists I have in my head.

Midnight Still watching the game. Falling asleep.

12:30 a.m. Game is finally over. Even though I'm sleepy, I'm still really turned on. We slip under my down comforter and start cuddling. He goes down on me.

12:40 a.m. We start having sex. I come quickly, but I feel like I can't wait for him to come. I'm angry because I'm falling asleep.

1 a.m. The boyfriend finally comes. I'm half asleep and feel a little used. He's been taking longer and longer lately and he says it's because he's "training" or because he's "in the zone." I'm not buying it and it makes me feel like I'm to blame. Even though I came I feel defeated. We cuddle and I fall asleep in his arms.

1:30 a.m. Wake up and see the boyfriend coming back from the shower. He always showers at night.

DAY SIX

10 a.m. First day of my internship. Need a professional but not too serious outfit. I go with my patterned pants, lime green sweater, and camel blazer. Perfect.

11 a.m. Make it to the office on time. Everyone is really nice and they all like my blue hair. Who says that artificially colored hair is bad for business?

8 p.m. Roommate and I eat cheese and watch RuPaul.

Midnight After doing work and talking to the boyfriend, it’s time to go to sleep.

DAY SEVEN

9 a.m. Awake early on a Saturday. Boyfriend is supposed to stay with me tonight. I'm excited, though a little wary because of what happened the other night. The thing is that I fall asleep really early and the boyfriend is never asleep before one. It's a problem.

10 a.m. I shave everything because I want to be smooth for my Meow Meow.

Noon I get a text from the boyfriend inviting me to get lunch with him. I leave and head over to the dining hall.

4 p.m. Back home doing more work. The roommate is busy writing her script.

6 p.m. The boyfriend calls. I ask him when he's going to come over. He wants me to come help them make chili. I love cooking so I say yes and ask him when he wants me to come over. He says eleven. I have a fit. Doesn't he know that I want him to come over early so we can have sex while I'm still awake? I yell at him and hang up.

6:05 p.m. I love him but he can be such an idiot sometimes. I feel hurt. I wish he was more romantic and tried to make an effort to listen to me and what I need.

7 p.m. Boyfriend has changed his mind and wants to come over tonight. I agree.

9 p.m. He arrives at my place. I'm glad he came, though now I'm not really in the mood to do anything.

10 p.m. We watch Clue, order Chinese food, and pig out on my bed.

Midnight I'm sleepy again. I close the door and take off my pants. The boyfriend is lying on the bed just watching me. I get under the sheets and look up at him, waiting for him to make a move. When he just looks at me, I kiss him. He laughs.

12:03 a.m. I ask him what's funny and he laughs again. I'm annoyed. He says he doesn't know why he's laughing. I yell at him for taking his sweet time to make love to me. I'm not asking him to rush, I just want him to realize that it's late.

12:08 a.m. The boyfriend suggests that we have sex the way the cavemen did: go to sleep at eight, wake up at one, have sex, and go back to sleep. I wish we could, but I know I won't wake up. I could have morning sex, but I know that he won't wake up! He says he has to because he has to head back home to make the chili. I'm fed up. I turn off the lights and go to sleep.

4 a.m. I wake up and it’s dark. The boyfriend is stirring. I ask why he's awake. He kisses me. I can feel him getting hard. I tickle his balls and he squirms. I get on top and we start having very slow sex. Even though we're not moving, I like feeling him pulsing inside me.

4:05 a.m. He flips us over so he's on top. He starts to breathe heavier and I know he’s going to come soon.

4:07 a.m. He comes. I’m surprised because even though we use condoms he usually pulls out. I don’t know why he did it, but I’m glad he did.

TOTALS: Two orgasms; one act of oral sex received; three pairs of sexy panties worn.

9 Ways To Make Your Own Funeral Fun

Funerals are generally thought of as glum and solemn affairs, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Here are some things you can try to make your own funeral fun with a little planning. (Disclaimer: DO NOT attempt to make someone else’s funeral fun without prior consent, as some people’s ghosts have no sense of humor.)
1) Put a “Please Do Not disturb sign” on the side of the coffin.Rental-1
2) Place nearby a glass box with a wooden stake in it, with sign “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency”
3) Attach a Romney/Ryan 2012 bumper sticker to the coffin.
4) Send out an automated e-mail to all invited guests with an apology that you will not be able to attend due to a scheduling conflict.
5) Wear pajamas in the coffin. I mean, this is clearly not the best of all possible occasions, so why not save your best suit for something else?
6) Attach “Hello, my name is…” sticker to your pajamas.
7) Hide an mp3 player inside the casket so that whenever the lid is closed it will play random pre-recorded phone conversations from inside, like “…So what’s up… Listen, can I call you in a few minutes? I am kind of busy right now…”…”What are you doing this weekend?”… “No, I am not interested in a subscription to New York Times…”
8) Ask to get buried in your cubicle at work. It is already a proper size and shape, and just needs to be filled in with the TPS reports. Plus, your nameplate is already there.
9) Put off your funeral for as long as possible. A thorough preparation is key to success.

Normally, I’d make it an even 10 suggestions, but then your funeral could become so much fun that your friends will start looking forward to it.